(*NOTE: I am going to just go ahead and stick with my theme of complainingness on here... I just need to get stuff out :) )
Call it growing up.
Call it just being sad and having a bad outlook.
Call it...the end of innocence.
Is there something wrong with me, or is it just part of growing up?
I almost never get that feeling that "all is right in the world" anymore.
It's like life is just one big series of struggles and situations that stress me out and albeit, there are definitely small happinesses in the day to day events, but mainly life just seems...hard.
There is no one anymore to just simply take care of everything.
to take care of you.
To make you dinner and let you just run off and take care of your own life and not worry about others'.
To take care of the family.
I know now that nothing will ever be perfect.
I know that in life I am going to have to work hard, and dang hard, for things I want. Even love.
I know that even the best piano performance in the world that I could do won't make me an idol. Maybe people will think about it for an hour afterwards. Maybe. Then they will go on living their own lives.
I know that I am not the best. I know i'm somewhere in the middle.
I know that there will always be bad days where I feel like just giving up, but i'll have to make the choice to go on.
I know that I probably won't find the person I am going to marry next. I'll most likely have to go through at least another broken heart in my lifetime.
Those small things don't fill me with joy anymore, like a beautiful, crisp fall apple or even something as simple as washing my hands with good smelling soap under warm water.
Call it the end of idealism?
Or just reality?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
planning
AHH. I HATE PLANNING STUFF!! I hate being the one to figure everything out for everyone, and coordinate all the scheduling, and do everything while everyone else doesn't do anything.
I don't like just planning my life, and figuring out where to go to college and figuring out everything else. I just want to LIVE my life, and I don't like holdups. Jeepers.
For some reason I am just a little bit angry right now.
Breath, breath.
Sorry that these posts are always sort of on the troubled side :)
I don't like just planning my life, and figuring out where to go to college and figuring out everything else. I just want to LIVE my life, and I don't like holdups. Jeepers.
For some reason I am just a little bit angry right now.
Breath, breath.
Sorry that these posts are always sort of on the troubled side :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
where we belong
Well, tomorrow we are leaving to go back home. One thing that I hate is leaving. It's like one of the worst feelings to me, and I don't even know why. But as my aunt just stated, "Well, we all have to go back to where we belong sometime". So true.
One of the things I have been thinking about lately is politics. This one thing is so dividing amongst people. I don't even understand them completely, and i wish I did more. But most of my family is conservative... farmers, hunters, hippie-hating, Obama-detesting, the whole nine yards. Actually, that is one side of my family, and then the other side is very liberal. It's kind of funny. It's just...which side do I fit into? I feel kind of half and half.. I always see both sides of any issue, it seems, so it's hard to pick a side. I am just a peaceful, loving, caring person but also hard-working and spiritual, and I don't want to be defined by a political side.
OH DEAR! Someone else let me know what you think? Are politics really that big of a deal? I am starting to see things in light of which political side people belong to. Except, it kind of ruins things because it's so black and white. Sometimes I don't like being a teenager because you have to find out all of these things about yourself and define yourself somehow.
My politics are love, peace, acceptance, respect, humor, hardwork.... sigh. I just need to figure things out. :)
One of the things I have been thinking about lately is politics. This one thing is so dividing amongst people. I don't even understand them completely, and i wish I did more. But most of my family is conservative... farmers, hunters, hippie-hating, Obama-detesting, the whole nine yards. Actually, that is one side of my family, and then the other side is very liberal. It's kind of funny. It's just...which side do I fit into? I feel kind of half and half.. I always see both sides of any issue, it seems, so it's hard to pick a side. I am just a peaceful, loving, caring person but also hard-working and spiritual, and I don't want to be defined by a political side.
OH DEAR! Someone else let me know what you think? Are politics really that big of a deal? I am starting to see things in light of which political side people belong to. Except, it kind of ruins things because it's so black and white. Sometimes I don't like being a teenager because you have to find out all of these things about yourself and define yourself somehow.
My politics are love, peace, acceptance, respect, humor, hardwork.... sigh. I just need to figure things out. :)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
hurt
Here's my first post.
And sadly, I think the subject matter will be hurt.
The most hurtful thing is that you said that you would always care and would always love me. The second most hurtful thing is that it happened completely out of the blue...and tonight I could have been with you in your presence enjoying you and being loved, and not alone.
Oh Britton, my sweet Britton, beautiful Britton.
I am going to miss you so much.
And it hurts to much for words. It hurts too much for music. It hurts too much for comfort, but it doesn't hurt enough to not be felt.
And sadly, I think the subject matter will be hurt.
The most hurtful thing is that you said that you would always care and would always love me. The second most hurtful thing is that it happened completely out of the blue...and tonight I could have been with you in your presence enjoying you and being loved, and not alone.
Oh Britton, my sweet Britton, beautiful Britton.
I am going to miss you so much.
And it hurts to much for words. It hurts too much for music. It hurts too much for comfort, but it doesn't hurt enough to not be felt.
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